WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!
I like the fact that you're together, and some of you are happy, but when did the religious conversion occur? I mean... single Jehova Witnesses run from the marriage missionaries. Do you realize what you sound like?
Now, I like Kim Chee, it's a little thing I picked up in college, but if I was as zealotous about Kim Chee as most married folk are about being hitched, no one could stand to be around me.
"Are you hungry (single)?
Do you like cabbage (girls)?
Do you have a favorite cabbage dish (girlfriend)?
I've got the perfect food (girl) for you...
Have you ever tried Kim Chee (Kim, Barbara, Joyce, Stella, Meredith, Heather, Halley, Trina)?
It's such a sweet dish (she's such a nice girl/personality/pretty eyes/neat whatever).
Why aren't you hungry (married)?
When are you going to try Kim Chee (get married)?
It's about time you tried Kim Chee (got married)."
And this doesn't even address the children aspect.
"You need to get Kim Chee (married). I need some more in the fridge (grandkids).
You know, that expiration date is coming up (you're not getting any younger), you need to settle down and have a good bowl of Kim Chee (kids).
You need to stock your fridge with Kim Chee (have kids), that way my Kim Chee would have company (my kids would have someone to play with)."
From the time I was young, I always heard the phrase that the two things you don't discuss are politics and religion. I'd like to add marriage to the list. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to marriage, nor do I think that finding the right person and settling down wouldn't have appeal. But if these people were pushing Republicanism or Mormonism this vehemently, you'd never let them in your house! If they did sneak by your security perimiter under false pretenses, you'd never let them back in, that is if the corpse sniffing dogs didn't have to root them out of their shallow graves in your backyard. But nope. I suffer these fools. While not exactly gladly, I at least do it in silence.
I have come up with several good ways of avoiding these types of questions, other that saying "Why don't you shut the frell up!" although that would have generated a tremendous amount of personal glee in most cases.
Usually these questions don't pop up around these parts until you're at least 21. That gives most youths the chance to get a year of college under their belt and get back from their Mormon mission. At which point they're expected to get hitched within 6 months so they can start hoovering spirit babies down here to their terrestrial home like some bizarre nydus canal, but that's a different story all together. I didn't go on a Mormon Mission, and it's been more than six months since my 21st birthday. Suffice it to say, I've had a few years to work on the answers, but like most things, I didn't work up any good ones until I was almost out of college.
While I was there, I became pretty good friends with a girl who was dating a buddy of mine. Fortunately for me, her last name was Wright. Now when everyone asked when I was getting married, I answered, "Well, I've met Miss Wright, and the rest is just a matter of time." Phonetically, of course, they all thought I said Miss Right, and their eyes would narrow just a bit and they'd get this little knowing smile and while nodding their heads say, "Ohhhhh... *wink wink nudge nudge* " and that would kill that line of questioning. UNfortunately for me, she dumped my buddy and married someone else, so she's no longer Miss Wright, she's Mrs. O, and that doesn't lead to nearly the same effect.
My next, and current answer is, "I'm still waiting for the right girl to ask me." This usually elicits a laugh from them, a serious face from me, followed by confusion by them, and the subject gets swept under the carpet... Not as clever, but effective never the less. I suppose the thing is, if you really must know, that actually would make it a lot easier. Don't laugh... Schprock and g_s know of what I speak...
So anyway, here I sit, contently on my own, just waiting for the next fire and brimstone sermon from those on the lifetime quest to convert me from my evil bachelorly ways...