Monday, December 31, 2007

The Posting Pool

Well... yup. It's December 31, there's a bit of snow on the ground, temps are at a daytime high of 20 or so and we're all going to jump into my little pool.

Nope... not quite the polar bear club. You see this pool is kind of a timely consideration, for g_s has guaranteed that he will have a new post up by tomorrow. And to make matters worse for him, he's also guaranteed that it will not be a fluff post, nor a clip post (I think), but one of substance that we all will enjoy. A "shiny new one" to use his term.

Now I understand that the phrase "shiny new one" has been used time and again to promote something not so shiny or new, but that's the substance with which we will fill this pool.

So here it is... Does g_s make the cut? Does he break the long drought on posting ending it at a mere 45 days? Are we going to have to suffer through another Meg Ryan post? Do we all get to have his home address and pelt him with smelt? YOU make the call! Tell us all whether g_s will actually live up to his promise, and do you think the substance of said post is actually going to be shiny and new.

I'll go first.

Tomorrow he will have a post up, but it will be an apology telling all of us he really tried but during his week off he was forced to drink afterbirth nog and is just getting over the hangover now.

EDIT: Well... there's no sense in letting a good pool go to waste, so we'll mix it up slightly. When is g_s actually going to make a post?

I'll start... He'll have one up on... Friday, but it will be postdated back to January 1.

Monday, December 24, 2007

The Obligatory Post...

Yep... you know the one. Here's where I post something entirely repugnant causing all of you ladies out there to stifle that little bit of vomit that's creeping up in your mouth.

"What is it this time?" you're all asking? A picture of a half eaten calf? A coyote with his brains bashed in? The dreaded vaginal or uterine prolapse? The afore mentioned cancer eye?

These are all good guesses, but alas... no. The shock and horror of this is far greater than all of the above. You may not be able to sleep for weeks...


Hope you all have a great one!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The CBS Thing...

Or why I call them a bunch of brain dead morons, take your pick on the title.

Most of you already know most of the gory details, but for those of you who've been living actual lives and don't spend inordinate amounts of time in front of a computer hitting online bulletin boards, here it is.

I used to live in my parents basement. I know... there's a shocker, right? But it's kind of different in this part of the world. First of all, my folks nearest neighbor is about a quarter mile away, and the family business is running cattle, which we do all day, every day. So I'm literally on call 24/7 and that's that. Well... that and there were no vacant houses around. Then one of the neighbors decided to sell and move, so we bought the place and I moved into their old home.

Back in '02, when I first moved into my little hovel, I was unable to receive any broadcast television. Up until that time, we got broadcast TV from the local networks, but my new casa is in a little "hole" and is surrounded by hills which blocked all those types of signals. That meant I had to get a little satellite dish in order to watch anything.

As a part and parcel of getting the new dish, it also meant that I had to "petition" all of the networks so that I could pay them $1.50 each to have the privilege of watching them, so I did.

Now a little more backstory... our local CBS affiliate is dreadful. It's where those fresh from the college womb come to learn how to crawl and eat solid food. It's also where the old and infirmed go to live out their last days. Yup... that's Channel 11, the combination nursery/old folks home. There are those in the valley that live for the news at 10:00. They tell me that there is no comedy creation in the known 'verse that can compare with just watching that half hour every night. I'm not one of those people, but it makes this all the more juicy.

You see... there are thousands of people just like me in the coverage area, and they decided that they wanted more than the "local 4" so they all got satellites too. And they were given an option of actually getting bigtime TV stations. You know... those from NY and LA, which they did, heartily. Viewership of Channel 11 dropped significantly, as did their advertising revenues. So... Channel 11 sued DishNetwork and DirecTV claiming infringement. And they WON! Did you ever wonder why things changed for all of you satellite owners out there? Well... that's why.

Under the new rules, post lawsuit, if you can receive the local broadcast networks, you can't get them unless you apply for, and receive a waiver. Of course... as I said earlier, it now costs you $1.50 per network. So I did. NBC, FOX, ABC all said "You want to pay us? Ok... you're accepted." (BTW, they did that within 5 minutes, so you know they really thought long and hard about it.) CBS told me to frell off.

Ok... now I used to watch a bunch of CBS programs (it was one of my 4 channels), and I re-petitioned them and asked them very nicely for the waiver. I explained to them that my home was completely surrounded by mountains and that I could not receive a broadcast signal of any kind. I also told them that I was a regular viewer of their programming and wished to remain such. They told me to frell off again.

I petitioned them a third time... with the same result. It was then that I decided to never watch CBS again if I could help it. Of course it wasn't too hard because... well... I didn't get it!

Last December, there was new legislation passed (because stations like Channel 11 still kept whining) and I received all of my local TV stations over the satellite, CBS included. I have yet to tune into it for any of their shows, and I have no plans to do so in the future. They have lost me as a viewer due to their actions, never to return.

I've only broken down once, during the last Superbowl on CBS, but that's been about it. No more Survivor, Letterman, Kilborne (now Ferguson), nothin... and do you know what? I can't think of one thing that I've actually missed.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

So, What'cha Watchin'?

As everyone is painfully aware... it's the holiday season and there's nothing on the tube. To make matters worse, the writers are striking and that means no new material either for a great while.

Now my weeks used to go like this...

Chuck at 7:00
Heroes at 8:00
Journeyman at 9:00

Bones at 7:00
House at 8:00
Futurama at 9:00
Sportscenter at 9:30

Pushing Daisies at 7:00
Ramsey/Bionic Woman/Sopranos at 8:00 as you can tell, this is one of those hours that really is just me trying to waste my time until...
Life at 9:00

My Name is Earl at 7:00 (when I remember it's on)
Channel surf or DVD until bedtime.

Bear Grylls or some other Discovery show
Channel surf or DVD until bedtime

Weekends are catch as catch can...

As you can see... I'm kinda screwed on my TV schedule. Especially with Journeyman getting the ax. Did I mention that I'm a little sore about that? No? Ok... I'm a little sore about that.

So... What are you gonna be watching from now on, and what do you suggest that I watch? Remember... CBS programming is out of the running...

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Snatch Grab...

I should just leave you all right there and end the post. But I won't, lest your minds wander through the gutter, as they no doubt already are (Yes Tiff, I'm looking at you).

No... today is another episode of storytime with LL...

A rather popular game amongst the cowboys of old was SnatchGrab. All the time I was growing up, I'd heard tales of this game. I never played, but that's because all of my dad's generation were tightwads I guess. His dad's (my grandpa's) generation was much more giving for such things.

My Uncle tells the story...

He was about 12 or 13 and some of the older gents asked him and all of the other kids hanging about the cabin if they'd ever played SnatchGrab. Of course the answer was no, how do you play? So the rules were explained to them, and here they are. Each of the older cowboys would throw something of value under a box, and then all of the kids would encircle the box and then on the count of three, the box would be pulled off of the pile and you could keep whatever you grabbed.

Old Ned, the purveyor of the game, said that he didn't really want to part with them, but he'd throw his silver spurs in the mix. Another guy said he'd be willing to put a silver bit in, and another even threw in his sixgun, and so it went all the way around the cabin.

With that... all the older cowboys left the cabin to go get their stuff, and the kids were told to stay inside until everything was ready. Gosh they were anxious. Now my Uncle told me he had his eye on the spurs, and by gad he was quicker than all the rest and he was going to get them too.

Finally the time came, and all the boys were called out of the cabin. Out in front of the cabin a ways was a box, face down on the ground, and all of the boys with sugarplums in their heads took up their positions around the box. The anticipation was palpable. Their eyes fixed in concentration, muscles tensed and ready to spring into action like so many steel traps. Their fingers twitched with desire, and each knew that he had to be quicker than all the others to get the booty.

Then finally... here it was, the countdown had begun.



They all leaned in a little closer, ready for the kill...


BAM! Like a bunch of cats after a single mouse they all leaped into action and grabbed at the hidden contents of the box with a reckless abandon bourne out of pure avarice...


There was no glint, there was no jingle, just howls of laughter in their ears, in fact there was no pile of booty at all...


Just what used to be a fresh pile of cow shit.