Thursday, February 02, 2006

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor

I didn't start this Blog to write a lot, nor to continually complain, but it seems I'm doing both. I'm still not on the pace of a Schprock or KTM, but I'm not quite the slacker of the bunch either. Anyway...

Today I'm here to speak ill of advertisements. Being the TV conneseur that I am, I've been witness to a lot of them over the years, and I understand that not every one can be a classic, but at the same time, I do begin to wonder where the decency has gone.

For instance, last night I'm watching something or other, and there's this commercial on where a whole group of people are splashing and playing in the water in their swimsuits, waving at a cute girl up on the dock who's still in a tank top and cutoffs to join them. The bright background music is clinking out it's sunny tune, and the girl still appears completely hesitant, until finally she just breaks down, rips off her top exposing the bikini, drops the cutoffs, exposing even more... It was at this point, I'm wondering just exactly where this is heading, but alas, I didn't have to wait much longer. She jumps off of the dock into the water with a big splash and the scene immediately cuts away to... TAMPAX PEARL! "Feel safe again" Talk about a bait and switch... yeeesh... Yep, that's exactly the mental image I wanted to go to bed with. The thought of a waterlogged tampon.

I, being of sound mind and body, do realize that there are times in a womans life when the natural cycle of things is at it's worst, and that there are products that seek to insert themselves into peoples minds for just sort of an occasion, but right at the bedtime hour? That's hardly the time of day when most swimming occurs.

And then there are the ones that leave no thought to the imagination. "How's your prostate, Max?" "Gee doc, I dunno. I'm having trouble peein' at night." "That's probably not a good thing Max. Here, let me show you this animation that demonstrates what an enlarged prostate does to the urinary tract." Let's not, and just say we did. Or everyone's favorite, the pepto conga line where they grab their mouth, stomach, and other nether regions to the catchy tune of "...heartburn, upset stomach, diherrea!"

Let's face it, Pepto has been around a long time, do you really think that they even need to advertise? I don't remember seeing any Kaopectate commercials when I was a kid, but I got a chance to drink it when the time arrived. And where were the ones for Merthiolate? Hell, every cut I had mom'd whip out that glass bottle and drive that glass probe into it as deep as she could to "get all the germs out". There weren't any instructions on the bottle, the only instruction we got is "Stop whining, just blow on it until it stops burning..." Unfortunately the pain was enough to take your breath away.

I long for the days of the good old "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz" or "It's good stuff Maynard" commercials. The kind that kept the product in your head, but your lunch in your stomach.
*Sigh* I guess I'm quickly turning into an old curmudgeon, but my prostate hasn't enlarged quite yet. When it does, I'll have to ask g_s how he handled it. He once said he had the solution well in hand, but I don't suppose there'll be any commercials depicting his home remedy.

This whole subject has given me an upset stomach... I just wish I knew of a product that would remedy that...

8 Comments:

Blogger trinamick said...

My grandfather says every time he sits down to eat lunch, they're either advertising feminine products, making someone eat rotting roadkill, or doing surgery on a dog. He claims it ruins his appetite, but since he's 265 lbs, I have to doubt his word.

I'm grossed out by the new diet one that shows the chick in a thong with all the flab hanging out. That drew a collective cry of disgust from all of us last night. I almost had to put down my candy bar.

2/02/2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger LL said...

I hope it was at least a king size bar...

2/02/2006 2:48 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Commercials suck. Except for the one with the Pilsbury Dough Boy dancing to 'Love to Love Ya Baby'. I crack up every time it's on. "Oh look! He's being coy!" hahahahaha....

2/02/2006 2:52 PM  
Blogger LL said...

How can't you like the Doughboy... *TeeHee*

But I noticed a few years back they changed his voice for a while... just not the same.

I do have to admit, the ESPN Sportcenter commercials are generally clever and worth watching too.

2/03/2006 7:54 AM  
Blogger Stellar said...

You think they could've come up with a less male-chauvanistic product name than the "Pearl".

That's an extremely graphic analogy if you ask me. Next time the executives at Procter and Gamble should be forced to descibe the name selection to their mothers.

2/03/2006 8:41 AM  
Blogger John said...

"I guess I'm quickly turning into an old curmudgeon, but my prostate hasn't enlarged quite yet. When it does, I'll have to ask g_s how he handled it. He once said he had the solution well in hand, but I don't suppose there'll be any commercials depicting his home remedy."

Are you putting me on, or did I actually talk about that and completely forget about it? Either way, I'd like to know the remedy, in case it happens again.

2/03/2006 11:19 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

I'll never forget the first time I saw a feminine product commercial. I was in the eighth grade watching a TV show with my parents. Just a little awkward there. Oh, how I longed for "Mama mia! Thatsa a spicy meatball!"

Do you date back to the Hai Karate commercials, with the guy having to use martial arts to fend off all the beautiful women? Man, there was no truth in advertising back then. But these days, with Axe, oh ho! You've got to be careful!

2/03/2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Hai Karate?!? :rollin:

Yeah, I remember those, the only thing is that they always had some gleep as the one fighting off the women. Trust me, if women ever came on to guys like that... they wouldn't fight them off, they'd faint outright.

I do however get a kick out of the Axe and Tag commercials though... "We're good like that."

"Are you putting me on, or did I actually talk about that and completely forget about it? Either way, I'd like to know the remedy, in case it happens again."

I think the term you used was that you were going to hang up the phone with JG, go fight prostate cancer, then go to bed... Wasn't that for an enlarged... prostate?

2/03/2006 1:17 PM  

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