Friday, February 10, 2006

The Crush

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I live somewhat in the sticks. Now, growing up, we were subject to the same thing that most folks my age were... network TV. By this I mean the big 3. Now our big three was more like the big 2 because ABC was too snowy to actually see, so that meant CBS and NBC were the only games in town. Of course that meant that we spent a lot of time outside playing, so it wasn't exactly a bad thing, but I digress.

Anyway... I moved into my current residence in 2002 and purchased Dish Network. A step up, to be sure. My folks have never made the upgrade. They're content to glean that which freely traverses the airwaves. And they don't quite grasp the fact that I don't have exactly the same channels they do, even though I've explained it to them. I often get a phone call, "Are you watching channel 7?" "No mom. I don't get your channel 7. I've already explained that to you." "Oh... right. " Then a few days later the same thing.

A couple Fridays ago, I was up to my folks place in the morning, as usual, and out of nowhere I get this question. "What do you know about Stacy Keibler?" Now, I know who she is, and that she's been dancing on ABC, and a few more tidbits, so I told mom a few things and asked... "Why?" "I think she's so sweet. You really should date her." For some of you, this might come as a bit of a shock. Not to me. As I've told you in a previous post, everyone seems to think I need to be hitched, and mom's not really the exception, she's the rule.

If I've heard it once, I've heard it at least two times, "Why don't you ask *insert any girls name here* out?" When I ignore the question, she has in the past taken it upon herself to fix me up. One time, she called up Miss Idaho and asked her out for my birthday present. I wasn't amused. I wasn't surprised either, and I did end up going on the date, in case you were wondering. So when she said that I needed to go out with Stacy, it didn't even phase me. She went on and on about how sweet she was, and that she thought Stacy was just darling. What could I say to that? I just shrugged and went on with the day.

Later that evening, my brother and his family came down from Boise, so I went up to see them. While we were there, on the TV is the results show for Dancing with the Stars. Of course, mom was watching. I told my bro that mom had a crush on Stacy. She claimed that she didn't have a crush and then went back into how sweet she was and that I should date her. He just laughed.

Now I know what all of you are thinking... there's no way in hell that would ever happen. I'm way too good for someone like her, and there's no way I should lower myself to that level, just to date her. But you all shouldn't be so hasty. I'm sure she's got some very redeeming features, and I probably should give her the benefit of the doubt, or at the very least... an honest appraisal.

As with any investment of this sort, one has to examine the pros and the cons. If there happen to be more pros than cons, then one might actually consider investing. But where do we go to get an honest set of facts? Hmmm... how about IMDB. Seems fair.

Looks... she is lovely.
Age... 26? Not too old, not too young.
Height... 5'11" Oooo... tall girl.
Measurements... erm... uh... whoa...
"Her famous legs are 42 inches long." ... that explains the height...
Hmmm... it appears she's still single, I guess that would fall into the pros.
"Has twice turned down offers to pose for Playboy Magazine." Hmmm...
"Favorite WWE Diva is Torrie Wilson." Ahhh... she likes Idahoans.
"It doesent bother me if my boyfriend gets a lap dance when I'm there. I'm secure with myself so whats the big deal?" ........ I'm speechless.

Lives in Baltimore. -- A bit of a commute.
"Has no siblings." Hmmm... meh... not much of a con, but we'll put it here anyway.
"I don't like guys who look like they're going to bust out of their shirts. I don't want them to be too big - you can't get your arms around them". Hmmm... genetics thou art a fiendish companion...
Someone that looks like that definately has plenty of suitors...

So... looking at my trusty abacus I see we've got 9 in the plus column, 4 in the minus, for an overall investment score of +5. Looks like a decent investment, with plenty of potential for the future. Hmmm... perhaps you all were a bit too hasty... :ewink:


Blogger mr. schprock said...

I asked Miss Idaho how that date went (she and I are good friends). She said you were the perfect gentlemen at dinner until you bent a straw into a triangle and told her to make a goal post out of her hands. Later, when you two walked back to the car, you first didn't open the car door for her (a terrible faux pas), then you kept driving the car 10 feet ahead whenever she put her hand on the door handle to let herself in, making her run to catch up with the car some 4 or 5 times.

If you can't treat a lady any better than that, you don't deserve Stacy Keibler.

2/11/2006 7:38 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Cut me some slack... Miss Idaho claimed she had a sense of humor and I was just testing it out. It's not my fault if her sense of humor is a bit lacking.

Of course the football thing might even endear me with Stacy, after all, she was a Ravens cheerleader.

2/11/2006 7:51 AM  
Anonymous BC said...

Guess you will have to learn how to dance. :o)

2/12/2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Why don't you send in a video to ABC? Maybe they can make a reality show out of it - like Extreme Date Makeover. I guarantee it'll be a moneymaker!

Word verification: udiball. What you should always say to yourself when putting.

2/13/2006 10:55 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Isn't she a little young for you?
Why not try Anna Nicole Smith now that she's skinny again.
She's dumb and obviously likes old guys.

2/13/2006 12:43 PM  
Blogger John said...

Women on TV are always throwing themselves at me. I'm like, "Back off, TV's Connie Chung! I'm spoken for!" It's sad, really.

2/13/2006 2:14 PM  
Blogger LL said...

"Why don't you send in a video to ABC? Maybe they can make a reality show out of it - like Extreme Date Makeover. I guarantee it'll be a moneymaker!"

You just might be on to something there... But then she'd be subject to hearing over and over, "What's a good lookin guy like that doing with her?" I don't know if her fragile psyche could take it...

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

I already dealt with that in the post. See where it says "not too young"? You really shouldn't skim... :P

"Back off, TV's Connie Chung! I'm spoken for!" It's sad, really."

So Oriental women have an unnatural attraction to you? I hate it when that happens.

2/13/2006 4:34 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

I already dealt with that in the post. See where it says "not too young"? You really shouldn't skim... :P

Oops. Maybe I should re-phrase that. Aren't you a little old for her?

2/14/2006 8:31 AM  
Blogger LL said...

That is possible... I am almost your age. :P

2/14/2006 8:59 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Your almost 20?! ;P

2/15/2006 8:06 AM  
Blogger LL said...


2/15/2006 8:10 AM  

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