Thursday, March 02, 2006

Say Uncle

Since PinTA claims she doesn't have a weak stomach, I guess I'll go ahead and tell you the story about another Uncle of mine.

He used to work in Alaska and so he'd have to fly back and forth quite regularly from one place to the next. There weren't an over abundance of airlines or even airline crews, so he quickly got to know the flight attendants.

One day, about midflight, he motioned to the flight attendant to come back to where he was sitting. When she got there, he told her, "You know... I think I'm gonna need one of those airsick bags." "Oh! Be right back." and she quickly brought him one sensing the urgency of the matter. Well, while she was busy with the other passengers, he pulled one of those pop top, single serving, cans of Dinty Moore beef stew from his pocket, and proceeded to pour it into the airsick bag.

After a few minutes, the stewardess came back and asked if he was finished with the bag. "I think so." my Uncle replied, "No. Wait just a sec." and then he opened up the bag and looked at the contents. "Whoa. There's still some pretty good chunks in there." he said and reached into the bag and plucked out a chunk of beef and ate it. It was at this point he told me that the stewardess looked like she needed an airsick bag of her own, leaving my Uncle busting up with laughter. So he ended up telling her what he'd done, and she chuckled too. Although I'm almost certain that her chuckle was out of politeness...

Not enough you say? Ok... I guess I can tell you the one about the old guy that used to own the hardware store in town.

Every morning he'd come into the coffee shop and get a cup of coffee. But when he did, most everyone else would clear out. They liked the guy well enough, mind you, but once he got his coffee, he'd go through the same routine every day, and few if any could stand to watch the floor show.

You see... he'd get his cup of coffee, spit his dentures out and with a toothpick proceed to clean the shit off of the dentures from the previous day while dunking them into his coffee. Once he was through cleaning the falsies, he'd put them back in his mouth and then... yup. You guessed it.

He'd drink the coffee.

9 Comments:

Blogger trinamick said...

I'm so sorry I wasn't eating breakfast right now. That was such a delightful story.

3/03/2006 8:40 AM  
Blogger Stellar said...

My grandfather dipped his toast in his coffee. I thought that was wierd at the time. Now I'm ok with it.

3/03/2006 10:18 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Glad I could give you both a little perspective...

It's the reason I started the blog...

3/03/2006 4:26 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

What else was he going to do with his coffee?

3/05/2006 3:49 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Now that's a damn good question.

3/05/2006 4:23 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Enema?

3/06/2006 9:51 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

It's not that I have a weak stomach, it's that you are gross.

3/06/2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Do I need to remind you who kept pestering me about a blog? You should be more careful in the future what you wish for...

BTW... are you still giddy? :P

3/06/2006 7:23 PM  
Blogger LL said...

"Enema?"

I think that would have been a floor show that most would have preferred to miss too...

3/07/2006 7:40 AM  

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