Sunday, September 10, 2006

A Question For the Ladies...

A friend of mine just went out on a date recently. As she was telling me about it (because I asked), she mentioned that he was a bit older than she was, but he did some of the little things that she found very erm... lovely. He opened her door, got the chair at dinner... you know, the little mannerly things that men used to do all the time.

So I did a little self analysis, and was surprised with what I realized. I too tend to do those things, but only with older ladies. With girls my age or younger, I can't say that I do. This still leaves me a bit perplexed, yet I kind'a know the reason...

Women my age are "liberated". All my life I've been taught to respect my elders and show them the common courtesies one can, but at the same time I've been told NOT to do those things to my age group because it's demeaning.

This certainly puts fellows like me in quite a quandry. Do you go ahead and extend these courtesies and be thought a chauvenist pig? That you look down upon the "weaker sex"? That you don't consider women as equals? Or...

Do you not extend these courtesies and be thought a cad? A man of low character? One who shows no respect or consideration for others? Someone who's selfishly concerned only with himself?

So tell me ladies...

Is it better to have a guy treat you like a lady? Or an equal...


Today's Mystery Lyric:

We fought him hard,
We fought him well.
Out on the plains,
We gave him hell...


Anonymous bc said...

I think perhaps a little of both. I like it when a guy shows a caring side and does open a door for me.

It shows that hes making an effort to show her that she is a lady. I think regardless, that he is an equal but still he respects the woman that he is with. The car door thing is a different story. I like it but at the same time I dont because of past experiences of not being prepared for the door to close tends to hurt the foot.

Now here is a question to also throw out there. Who pays for the date? Is it the man or the woman or dutch?

My opinion should be something that should be talked about before the date. Something like, he pays for dinner and she pays for the movie. Its equal but still shows both having a respect for each other and an offering for each to show the other a good evening.

If he decides to pay for it all then so be it. If she offers to pay for it all then the same applies. If that is the case then the first date should be paid for by the one that did the asking for the date in the first place.

I also dont think it is right to go out with a guy that does offer to pay and order the most expensive item on the menu. That is just tacky.

The idea of a date is to show each other a fun time. To be yourselves and not try to out impress each other. Just be yourself. If she thinks you are a cad or a pig because you showed her respect then shes obviously not the right one for you.

9/11/2006 7:59 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I believe, support, and wave the flag for old-fashioned civility. Women are men ARE different in so many ways. I don't understand why people want to fight it.

I can be a bit mannish in my actions ... I always open the door for people, I have a firm handshake, but I am a woman and I want to be treated like one. I think it says a lot about the character of a guy.

My daughter has two guys on my little road that like her and even though they're only 13, they know to walk her right to the door or to come right to the door when picking her up. It made me feel better about them... like they were raised right.

9/11/2006 10:08 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

I think it's just good manners to open a door whether you're male or female. (which one are you, LL? ;) But I agree with BC - the car door is unnecessary. A friend of mine has been married for about 15 years, and her husband always opens the car door for her. While I think it's sweet in theory, I'd be much too impatient for that, LOL!

My mom and I were discussing this on our trip this weekend. Is it tacky for a woman to buy a guy a drink? In her day, the guy always paid for the drinks. I figure if he buys one round, what's wrong with the woman buying the next round?

9/11/2006 10:54 AM  
Blogger fermicat said...

I don't see being treated like a lady and being treated as equal as two contrary things. It isn't demeaning to me if a guy holds the door open for me. We both know I am fully capable of doing it myself! ;-)

I appreciate it when someone (male or female) opens a door for me. I will hold the door open if I am the first one to reach it.

I think context is important. Definitely be a gentleman if you are on a date with a woman! Or in other social situations.

I don't ever expect anyone to open a car door for me! But I do think it is polite of the first person in to unlock the other door for the other person (if it is still locked).

Who pays for a date? That is stickier, but I think the person who asks for the date should pay for it. Once you become a couple, you can work it out however it suits you. One person may have a lot more income than the other and that person might want to pay more often, for example.

9/11/2006 11:10 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Fermi, my brother used to always hold the door. I've actually seen women refuse to walk through it. Just crazy. I'm so lazy that the more I can get someone to do for me, the better. :P

9/11/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger LL said...

"(which one are you, LL? ;)"

:eh: :g2f: I can't believe you'd do that KTM. Have you no shame? *sigh* You know better than to leave an open paren like that. :P

Thanks for your answers. They certainly are interesting.

9/11/2006 9:49 PM  
Anonymous Mrs. B said...

But wait! There's more to say!
Re:the car door thing -- I agree with Beth, Trinamick and Fermicat. The decision to open the door should be genderless... whoever gets there first shows the courtesy. I love it when a guy opens my door, but I also love the expression on his face when I open his (if I reach the car ahead of him).

It's always nice to feel special.
Doors, chairs, flowers, etc. all equate attentiveness in my book. And how cool is it to find someone who also enjoys "the little things".

The "who pays" question is abit trickier. I ultimately go with... whoever did the asking has the right to pick up the tab. But if he/she isn't prepared to do so, they should be upfront about it BEFORE opening the restaurant door.
And if he/she pays for the first date, there's nothing wrong in planning the next outing at your expense. "Dutch" feels too much like going out with your older brother. Yeck!

Trinamick has the right idea. Everybody should be able to buy a round of drinks. But don't forget to be gracious should a return drink come your way. :ewink:

9/11/2006 10:43 PM  
Blogger LL said...

All this verbage, but still not one taker on the last two mystery lyrics.

I must be getting better!

9/12/2006 8:16 AM  
Anonymous bc said...

Ive got the answers but its not fair for me to pipe in with every one of them. I prefer to give others a chance. LOLOLOL

Word Verif: iufciuer

9/12/2006 8:45 AM  
Anonymous bc said...

But if you insist its Run To The Hills by Iron Maiden. :P

9/12/2006 8:46 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I started reading responses, but decided to post first.

This is kind of a bone of contention with the guy I'm dating (I think I'm dating - sometimes men are really hard to figure out). Anyway, he's younger than me (in his early 30s) and he's a firm believer in opening doors (all, including cars) and basically treating the woman as if she's special. I've learned to compromise - I'll let him open the door when getting into the car, but there's no way in hell I'm sitting there while he gets out, walks around the car and opens my door.

Apparently (according to John Gray, Ph.D.) men like to feel helpful.

At any rate, I do know I'm bloody tired of guys getting to a door before me and letting it slam in my face. To me, it's common courtesy to hold the door for someone who is a couple of steps behind you, be you man or woman.

9/12/2006 11:46 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Yeah, I don't even bother with the lyrics any more since they just make me feel stupid and old.

On the paying thing, Dating Guy wants to pay all the time which is hard for me. Last time we went out I paid for the movie, but I don't think he liked it, but I wasn't going to stand there and not even reach for my purse - so rude. Dating is HARD!!! Men should definitely pay on the first date.

9/12/2006 11:50 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Women drink for free. It's a law or something, I'm sure. ;P

You treat someone like you want to be treated. Like a person. Anything after that comes off as fake or is just annoying.

And LL, is this really going to be a problem for you if you take all your dates out to the drive-thru? :eh: ;P

Oh, but men are supposed to kill all spiders. That's a law too.

Now I have Iron Maiden in my head. But with the video of the kittens playing the song. LOL.

9/12/2006 10:15 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

"And LL, is this really going to be a problem for you if you take all your dates out to the drive-thru? :eh: ;P "

:rollin: Beautiful, just beautiful.

9/13/2006 9:26 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Don't encourage her.

I still can't figure out why I put up with you two...


9/13/2006 6:59 PM  
Blogger Shatterfist said...

Just keep doing what you feel like doing. Some people just suck, no way around it. You can try your ass off to be nice to some people and they will STILL take some kind of issue with you. Don't stop just because some people don't appreciate it.

9/14/2006 12:16 PM  
Blogger Shatterfist said...

I know I'm not a lady, but I know just what you're talking about.

9/14/2006 12:17 PM  

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