Friday, April 13, 2007

Something Worth Blogging About...

No... I'm not going to blog about how Blogger FORCED me to switch to a Google account, nor how they FORCED me to upgrade to the new version of Blogger, despite my desires not to. Maybe later...

No... today I actually have something to blog about.

But before I get started on that... John, JG, and Mr. S. will be happy to hear that during the blogger upgrade, I found their comments that needed to be moderated, that I originally thought were lost. So I moderated them, and they'll appear in my first post. I haven't read them yet, and they'll probably appear vague and out of context now, but what the hey...

Oh right, the story.

The day started off with me waking up, but instead of drinking 2 cups of coffee while listening to an internet radio program like I usually do, I had to go straight to work. We sold some calves today, so I had to put the 'ol nose to the grindstone.

As soon as we were done eating breakfast, we headed out to the barn to start the day. Now the people buying the calves were scheduled to be here at around 10:30, so that put us under a bit of a time crunch, so wouldn't you know it... We get out to the barn and there's a heifer just starting to calve. Par for the course.

So we locked her up alone and started in with the day. We gathered and sorted, and shipped, and weighed, and sorted, and weighed, and shipped, and then fed and ate our lunch.

All this time (right at 5 hours) she hadn't made any progress. Being the old expert I am I could tell that she was going to need help. Crap.

Occasionally I have to do some legal work, and today was one of those days. That means that OF COURSE she was going to need help delivering the calf. On the days you have nothing to do, well... there are no emergencies, in fact, there's nothing to do out of the ordinary.

Well, you gotta do what you've gotta do. So Dad and I got a loop on her neck and pointed in the right direction, but things in her nether regions just didn't look right. She should'a been further along than this. That is... unless the calf was backwards. Grrrrrrrrr...

So I hand dad her tail and go spelunking with my right hand. Once I got in there wrist deep or so, I could feel the feet. Hmmmm... these are front feet. That means the calf isn't backwards, but man... these legs are small and not quite fully formed. Crap. A premie.

Well... shucks, I get the OB chains out and string 'em up on each leg and start to pull. The heifer's dialated up just fine, and there's plenty of room for the little bugger to come out, but it won't. If this is a premie, then that means it's small to begin with, why isn't it coming out? Is it's head turned back the wrong way?

So I go spelunking again. This time, I'm up to my forearm, and there's still plenty of room. And there's his little head. Right there. I can feel his little nose, his mouth and teeth, yup... no doubt. It's a head.

So I pry down with the calf puller a little bit harder and his front leg makes a nice crunching sound as the OB chain crushes it just above the ankle. Crap! What is WRONG WITH THIS THING!

So I'm aghast, and Dad, whose been around longer than I have, is perplexed too. Is it twins?

Back into the breach I go, this time almost to the elbow and there it is. Another foot. Another head. Well crap. It must be twins, and they're both coming out at once. So I try to push junior back in, but he's not having it. Won't budge. I can't pull without crushing the legs and that's that. "Well," says I, "It's either got 2 heads and five legs or it's twins and I can't get 'em out." Time to head to the vet, cause it looks like a C-section is on the menu.

But I've got other things to do, so Mom and Dad loaded her up and hauled her in.

I'm typing away here, doing my thing, and mom calls. Well... indeed it had 2 heads. Vet hadn't seen one in about 20 years, I've never seen it, just heard stories. So the vet cut off the two heads and tried to pull the rest of the corpse out. Not coming. A C-section it is.

They get the calf out and it's got about 7 legs too. Now I haven't seen it yet, but Dad did haul it home. So I'll get my chance tomorrow, and I'll be taking pictures too, just for all of you.

I'll bet you just can't wait can you. ;)


Anonymous bc said...

OMG is all I can say!!! That poor thing. Hows the momma?

4/13/2007 10:08 PM  
Blogger LL said...

No clue... I'll know more after this morning, but I'm wagering she'll be fine.

4/14/2007 8:10 AM  
Blogger fermicat said...

Wow. That's pretty different than my typical days at work...

4/14/2007 8:46 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Holy crap! The poor cow. Jesus, that's a birth story that will keep my daughter a virgin for hopefully 10 more years. =)

4/14/2007 12:35 PM  
Blogger LL said...

fermi... don't you run a medical imager? How can you not have seen strange things almost daily?

Beth, be sure to pass it along to your daughter then. Compliments of the old bearded guy that gave her the kiss. :P

4/14/2007 1:00 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

LL - I've never seen a two-headed patient! But I have seen quiet a few people with missing parts, and also some with some extra stuff (artificial hips and knees, surgical clips and pins, and um, 'implants' of various kinds).

4/15/2007 1:55 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

Quite, not quiet. Oops.

4/15/2007 1:56 PM  
Blogger LL said...

I've never seen a two headed calf before either fermi. But now we can both say that we have.

4/15/2007 6:07 PM  

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