Thursday, January 15, 2009

Merry Frelling Christmas... the Sequel

It's time for the exciting conclusion... erm... ok... at least the lengthy conclusion of our harrowing tale. But first one of my famous recaps of the story so far...

Go read the last post.

There... Now... back to the story.

Since I was able to get the ol' gal up and moving, things were starting to look up. But there was still one problem. That little 35 mph breeze had blown a whole wad-o-snow onto the seat of the hoe. And without some sort of intervention... I would be left with a wet and snowy ass in no time. Given the windchill factor, that's not an appealing proposition. So I had to grab a plastic bag and make an urbane, yet functional seat accoutrement (That means a temporary seat cover PinTA... follow along please!). After that we were off like a terd of hertles.

I drove up to the snowdrift and dropped my bucket and took a scoop. Once the bucket was full, I jammed her into reverse and watched the driver wheels spin... I... uh... went nowhere, but on the bright side I was going nowhere fast.

It finally took off and then for the next 10 minutes or so I slid back and forth on the sheet of ice that was the blacktop, nearly winding up in the borrow pit at each and every turn. It was fun. When the neighbor got there... we decided that it'd be best to use the boom on the backhoe to try and pull the pickup back onto the road and we set out to do just that.

Five minutes and a broken chain later... we had a good firm hold. I revved her up and gave the boom all that her hydraulics could handle and things started moving. No... no... not the pickup, the entire backhoe slid across the ice to the pickup which was still very stuck in the borrowpit. Grrrrrrr. I blame Tiff for this.

Ok... I was already onto plan B, but was entirely out of options. The ground was too frozen and slick for anything I had. I looked up the road and my cattle were huddled in the corner, frozen snow on their backs, all humped up looking for some relief. This wasn't looking good.

Just about then... on Christmas day no less, the road grader showed up behind us.

We hooked the tow strap onto that sucker and I jumped into the pickup so he could pull me out. I gave the thumbs up and he jammed it into reverse... and sat there spinning out on the ice, going nowhere.

Whoo boy... I think we're in trouble now. So the driver sat there until he burned through the ice and eventually, with that little tug, I got back onto the road.

I shuffled all of my outfits back to the house and called my folks. I told them that the road was impassable, but the road grader was on it's way and when it got there, my dad and bro needed to come down and cut the fence and move the cattle across the road to my place. I was headed to town to load up with hay before the road blew shut again. Sounded like a plan.

I headed down the road, just about 20 minutes behind the snowplow and the road had already blown in behind him. At least 2 foot drifts, but I gave her hell and made it through, grabbed my load of hay, and came back and plowed through the drifts again. It was brutal, but the extra 2 ton on the back of my pickup allowed me to bust right through.

When I got to my house, my dad and brother were just getting the cattle out through the cut fence and so I started feeding the bales off and they ran into my field and gobbled it right up. Good thing too because it was quickly blowing away (I also blame Tiff for this).

After we got finished feeding my bro and I headed back to town to get loaded for the next day. At the very worst, we'd at least have some if the next day was horrible too. When we got down to the bad spot, he allowed that it was really not that good of a drive through that mile or so. I of course... already knew that.

We loaded up... busted back through the drifts for the forth time and went up to my folk's place. It was about 2:00 and my lack of breakfast and lunch were starting to catch up to me. But my nieces were ready for the exciting part of their day and wanted to open gifts sooooooooooooooooooo badly that we did what any good parent, uncle, and grandparents would. We ate lunch first and made them wait. :P

The rest of the day was uneventful and went off without a hitch. The next day was not exactly pleasant, but it wasn't bad and we've warmed up since and the 8 foot drifts on both sides of the road have been reduced to a mere pittance of what they once were.

Oh... btw... for those of you not catching the reference in the title (I blame Tiff for that too), watch this.


Today's mystery lyric: (Remember the rules folks, no online searching of the lyrics, if you don't know it, you don't have the answer!) *With bonus lyrics!!!*

Did you ever have a secret yearning,
Don't you know, it could come true.
Now's the time to set wheels turning,
Open up your life for you.

If you take life as a crazy gamble,
Throw your dice, take your chance.
You will see it from a different angle,
And you too will join the dance.

Answer to last lyric: Bang go the Bells by Babylon A.D.


Blogger The W.O.W. factor said...

Kinda sounds like some "Woman" tamed you down that day! Stopped you dead in yer tracks...and then some, I'd say!
You must learn too, young fella LL, (and I use that term loosely), that the faster you go, the further behind you git!
That was so kind of the wee ones to wait on their glee...while good Ol'Unc LL & his "Ho's" were on the plea!

1/16/2009 2:32 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Hmm, what did I do on Christmas? Not that. In fact, I didn't go outside once! Got up around noon, had a big 'breakfast', then watched movies. I like my holiday better than yours.

1/16/2009 12:57 PM  
Blogger Stellar said...

It was in the mid-70s and humid here Christmas day.

I baked a ham. Driving was relatively uneventful.

1/16/2009 2:31 PM  
Blogger Knight said...

Wow. Those poor kids. Waiting until early evening for gifts is the worst. Oh and it sounds like your day was tough too.

1/16/2009 3:15 PM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

Thast's it...that all... we waited two weeks for that? I thought maybe you had an encounter with a Bumble?? Or something exciting? Poor Tiff? I thought you picked on me?? Ah ha you pick on everyone. I know it is just your nature. I can't believe you are single. Of course with your rtoads, she'd have to be a helluva blade hand, or the devil herself. I am glad you didn't freeze.

1/16/2009 7:49 PM  
Blogger BC said...

He he he.... a frozen ass. :D

1/16/2009 10:56 PM  
Blogger Jennster said...

at least you blaimed tiff!

1/18/2009 1:40 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

That's the end of the tale?!? Wow. I feel like such a softie. I slept late and had a mimosa while PDM cooked Christmas dinner. I am glad I don't live in Bat Country...

1/18/2009 9:24 PM  
Blogger ettarose said...

Well, now that I am here I guess I should impart some little witticism but all I can think is Cows? You really have cows? Now I remember the red headed girlfriend. No wonder you post so randomly. Cows, wow.

1/19/2009 2:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frelling great story! How many microds did the whole process take?

1/19/2009 4:13 PM  
Blogger Peggy said...

You have recieved a coveted Golden Spork from our favourite little fairy. You and I won our awards in the same category and as your name comes before mine, you must be slightly more fascinating than me. I must say that I have read your blog a while ago and was impressed by the size of a snake that came by to say hello. Congratulations fellow spork awardee.

1/20/2009 2:29 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Poor Tiff, she gets blamed for everything. That's one hell of a Christmas.

OK, word verification opposite of what you are : stablest. hehehehe

1/21/2009 9:41 AM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

Ha ha.

I think I love you.

K. I'll post my dating "dont's"

Thanks for keeping me on track.

1/21/2009 2:55 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

But I thought you were gonna smack me around a little???

Come on. I'm ready.

1/22/2009 2:02 PM  
Blogger LL said...

WOW - Pffft... twas no woman... that I'll assure you! As for the wee lasses... well... they know what's good for them. ;)

P - Yeah... but I got a post out of my ordeal. You just had more fun.

Stel - ugh... humidity. I don't know how you handled it.

Knight - yes... they had it pretty rough. And it was only late afternoon... ;)

TW - Didn't you read the last comment from Tiff? She was begging for it! And you can't believe I'm not married? Now why do you have to wish ill on me like that? I thought we were friends... :P

BC - yup. It got there. Did I mention that the sack blew off the first time I stood up never to be seen again?

JennyLu - Finally... someone who understands. ;)

fermi - Bat country? You couldn't handle bat country! Oh wait... you had bats didn't you... erm... nevermind.

Aoi - Microts? Erm... carry the one... convert to english standard units... and... erm... a bunch!

Peggy - Yes! I saw that too. But they always told me last was best... right?

Beth - Poor Tiff? Pfft... begging for it she was!

And speaking of begging for it...

Charm - You think you love me? Then what are you so afraid of...

And I never said I'd smack you around, just that I'd rough you up a bit. Now what that all entails... well... I'd show you but I'm afraid WOWie would think less of me... :lech:

1/22/2009 2:44 PM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

Well I didn't wish any ill will on you? But who will you toss over the bridge? Doesn't it look fun? Did you notice I wasn't barefoot! Of course if I was I wouldn't have minded so much.

1/22/2009 9:54 PM  
Blogger tiff said...

Dude - you live a hard life.

Glad that you made it through, beat hte weather, and made your nieces wait to open preznicks. Makes perfect sense to me.

1/23/2009 2:13 PM  
Blogger dani c said...

MACK--mY Christmas was lame in I'm jealous

1/24/2009 6:00 PM  
Blogger Red said...

did you see fermi's cat? It is waiting for you to butcher one of them cows for it!
word veri - lol is...
sessesse .. like see see see

1/25/2009 5:05 PM  

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