Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Merry Frelling Christmas...

What is is with you people and your incessant desire for new posts? Go start your own blogs or something... oh right... you already have them... moving on...

The Bro and his girls were down for the big festivities and that means I was able to get away on Christmas Eve for my holiday shopping as is the norm. The problem was that there was a bit of the white stuff around here, and lots of packed and broken snow floored roads. Not only that, but my pickup had a flat tire. It's a dually, and the flat was on the outside dual, so it wasn't fatal, but I'd had them "fix" that sucker twice already! Every time I'd get home I could hear the telltale "hissssssss" still coming from the tire (I blame Tiff for this). Anyway... this time I found the frelling hole and marked it for a sure fix.

I drove the pickup to town to get the tire fixed (as well as the other stuff) and didn't get home until after dark. That meant I was unable to load the pickup with hay for the next mornings required labor. That's ok though... I only needed a couple of ton and I could throw that on in the morning.

During the night, there was a modest breeze. A mere 35 mph or so, but who's counting... Anyway... I woke up and called up to my folks place to see if they wanted to eat breakfast and do the festivities first or feed the minions. The girls were bouncing off the walls in anticipation, so the decision was made to put them out of their misery. Ok... I was on my way.

I got bundled up, put Mickey and Minnie on my feet and Elmer on my head and opened the back door. The wind? She was still a blowin'... The sun? Hadn't crested the mountains yet, but with the cloud cover it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I jumped into my pickup and headed up the road to the folks place.

The road was bare and icy, but the light was flat and I could see some snow blowing across the trail in front of me. About a hundred yards later... there was a weeeeeee snow drift, but in the flat light, I couldn't see it. With a puff and a grunt, my journey eastward came to an abrupt halt. This not being my first rodeo, I immediately jammed it in reverse and floored it backwards. The drift? She was beeger dan I tink... about 3 foot high and very crusty. Not only that, but it stretched up the road for about 50 feet.

As my eyes adjusted to the flat light (and I wished they wouldn't have), I could see a vehicle's tracks had broke the trail in front of me, only a little to the left of my course.

In a fit of what I can only consider insanity, I decided if they made it, I could make it, and then I looked up the road and saw a pickup stuck in front of me about half a mile. I knew I couldn't get past that point, but I didn't know who was trapped and decided I'd better see if I could get to them and pull them out.

I backed up and got a head of steam to bust through this mere inconvenience...

I didn't. I fought the law and the law won. In fact, it had it's way with me and threw me off into the borrow pit right next to the creek. Not being one to admit defeat, I tried to back up again, and slid further into the borrow pit. I... erm... uh... ok. Maybe I can pull forward and get out. I tried. I failed. I slid a leeeeetle further down even.

It's times like this when some have just got to admit defeat. Not me! I had a secret weapon back at my lair... that's right... my little ho. She's big, and she's fat, and she'd love to shovel me out. Or so I figured.

I tried to get out of my pickup... but the snow load was now blocking the door. I pushed through anyway. Me and the redhead walked back to my house and I called up the folks. I told them what had happened and that their road was completely blocked. I knew they'd never make it down to help out, so I went to wake the hoe. She was cold and sluggish just like I'd feared. I hit her with the juice and she rolled over but never would fire. So I drug the charger out there and hit her good. 200 amps worth of go-get-em. This time she couldn't stay in her slumber and belched out black smoke and roared to life. Ah-hah!

I called my neighbor to the west to see if he could help me, prying him away from his family. He was glad to help out... at least that's what he said anyway. So me and my hoe went up to dig the pickup out...

*tune in next time for the exciting... erm... well... the conclusion of our little tale*

****************************

Today's mystery lyric: (Remember the rules folks, no online searching of the lyrics, if you don't know it, you don't have the answer!)

When I want love, I call on you.
When I want love, I run to you.
Just something more, than a cheap romance
I just get one look at you...

Answer to last lyric: Balls to the Wall by Accept. Note the twin flying V's!

23 Comments:

Blogger The W.O.W. factor said...

Just a Merry frolic in the snow with your Ho and other Hoe, eh? You men! Always think you can conquer Mother Nature's creations! When will ya learn you can't fool Mother Nature? Or beat Her?

1/06/2009 9:54 PM  
Blogger LL said...

No woman can tame the savage beast that is man! ;)

1/06/2009 10:20 PM  
Blogger BC said...

You got her in deep huh? ;o)

1/06/2009 11:58 PM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

Blink blink... Are you admiting you got stuck?? blink blink...I don't know what to say... DOn't woryy Im not speechless, I will think of something. Your FIRST post of the New year! Hahahahahaha conclusion?? You only post every several weeks, You could get stuck again before we here how this story ended! I don't suppose you made a New Years resolution to post more often...
Oh And I am glad you didn't end up a Frozen Cowboycicle!

1/07/2009 9:52 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Would I be jumping the gun making an offer for the movie rights to this? Let's see the conclusion first and maybe I'll overnight a contract to you.

1/07/2009 2:36 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

I think you need to get sled dogs. As a bonus, when it's really cold, you can keep warm by bunking with them.

Who do you think should play you in the made for TV movie?

1/07/2009 2:57 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Accept? That's the name of a band??? Honestly, I'm going to start listing lyrics of bands I like, and you'll know as many as I do here. ;-P

Sounds like a heckuva Christmas. I can't wait to read the thrilling conclusion.

I think you're lying about having a dually (compensation?), because why would a dually get stuck in that teensy bit of snow?

1/07/2009 7:08 PM  
Blogger Knight said...

Did you try kicking the tires and cursing? Did you ever make it to your parents?

1/08/2009 9:15 AM  
Blogger Simplicity said...

Never in a brazillion years would I have guessed that song. But I like it.

Good to know I'm easy to read, but my post is about as deep as it gets so no 10 more!

1/08/2009 1:59 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

If that snow was so crusty, why didn't you just use your pickaxe? I can see it right there in your picture. And you should have called your OTHER neighbor, the abominable snow monster. Once you remove their teeth they can be quite helpful.

1/08/2009 6:10 PM  
Blogger LL said...

BC - Waaaaaay deep.

TW - I've been stuck way too many times to not admit it. Around here, that's nothing to be ashamed about, in fact... people brag about how bad they get stuck!

Mr. S - Maybe just a bit... but I'll take the signing bonus ne'er the less. BTW, welcome back!

P - Good idea! I could always eat them in a real emergency too... but they'd be a little hard to feed with. As for the actor, I can tell you who it WOULDN'T be... No... probably Zach Galifianakis. He knows how to rock the ruddy beard.

Kath - Pfffft. All I'd have to do is guess Joy Division and I'd be right 90% of the time. ;P

Knight - Be patient my dear... all... erm... most will be revealed.

Simp - "Never in a brazillion years would I have guessed that song. But I like it." See Kath!!! Now THAT'S the reaction you should've had... :P As for the 10... well... I'm all about education.

fermi - Yes... but he was busy doing other stuff. There were some trees without stars and well...

1/08/2009 6:33 PM  
Blogger Jennster said...

Well, where is the picture of your ho?

Well... who was the other perosn stuck, were they ok?

Glad you posted again. I reckon you don't want to see the green grass I posted for WOWIe. Hee HEe

Happy New Year LL, missed you

1/08/2009 8:58 PM  
Blogger BC said...

Only sometimes that can be a good thing. Im thinking this isnt one of those times. But you forgot some pictures for me. :D

*reminds me to download mine*

1/08/2009 10:50 PM  
Blogger Nanny Goats In Panties said...

So THAT'S how you spell "dually". I've only heard it uttered and assumed it was "duellie". What a silly goat!

1/10/2009 3:19 PM  
Blogger Jennster said...

I saw a Dodge Dually towing a Ford Dually. Thought of you. Hey my veri word is

snouthru (snow thru) LOL

1/10/2009 6:34 PM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

Doesn't everyone use their hands when they talk?? blink, blink ..moving hands rapidly....After all I am part Italian!

1/11/2009 10:57 AM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

I just wanted you to know I am moving my hands in many different hand signs. You guess which ones, I don't hang around losers! I divorce them! Shame on you LL! I am pretty particular about my cowboy friends, you should know that!

1/13/2009 11:11 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Two thumbs up? :P

1/13/2009 11:16 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

It was 59 degrees the other day. I was CERTAIN I was developing frost bite.

I'm Serious.

I ran out to purchase a heating blanket to place upon my feather bed just below my down comforter.

The next day (today) it was 89 degrees and I had to turn on the air conditioner.

Groan.

1/14/2009 7:18 PM  
Blogger Simplicity said...

Erm.
Where's the conclusion?
I've been listening to the song, but still don't know if you're living in your truck in a creek with a redheaded hoe...

1/14/2009 11:03 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

What the balls is a hoe? Like a snowblower? You always use "hoe" ... even in the other post.

That just sucks about Christmas morning. =(

1/15/2009 7:38 AM  
Blogger tiff said...

Ruff and tuff but can't beat the stuff. That sucks.

I'm surprised you dint blame ME for the snodrift. You losing your touch, LL?

1/15/2009 11:28 AM  
Blogger LL said...

JennyLu - my hoe is a little camera shy.

Nanny - That truly is amazing. If only you weren't wearing those underwear... you might have known that. :P

Char - Oh, my. You poor thing. I'm sooooo glad I'm not down there. I don't know how I could cope with the things you do. I'm seriously glad for my sheltered life up here.

Simp - The conclusion? Who said there was a conclusion? I'm just fortunate I've got wireless internet out here in the snowbank... :P

Beth - You of all people should know what a hoe is... You're the gardening knitter for pete's sake!

Tiff - Wha? I already blamed you for the constantly flat tire (which was unfixable by the way, thanks a lot). But if'n you can't get enough blame, I'll be happy to fix that next time. ;)

1/15/2009 12:06 PM  

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