Friday, January 15, 2010

And One For Tink...

Even though our little Tinkerbell has left the blogosphere (seems to be happening a lot lately), I've decided to go ahead and tell the tale about the little "shoplifting" experience. Who knows... maybe we'll even get her out of hiding to read it. ;)

It was waaay back in my first year of univerzity stoodies. Jes... that was when I wasn't quite at the bastard level that I had achieved by the time I was a seeenior, but I was working on it.

Anyway, my roommate and I were downtown for some reason or other, and I decided I needed another pack of Extra sugar free cinnamon gum, one of my college staples. A few years later, another friend of mine told me a story about gum that's absolutely classic, but I'll save that for another time.

So we pulled into the supermarket so that I could score some of the good stuff. My roomie didn't have anything to buy, and I only wanted gum, so it was a quick in and out procedure. I asked if he was planning on waiting in the car and he said, nah... he'd come in, so off we both went.

As with most supermarkets, the gum was right up next to the checkout counter and so we walked in... walked up behind the checkout counter, grabbed the pack of gum, and took that one last step to the checker.

I shouldn't have to describe a checkout line to any of you, should I? If I do... well... you've led a sheltered life and you need to check out just once for the experience. But I digress...

I was in front, and my roomie in line behind me with both hands in his pocket waiting for me to flip the buck up there and get change. We were the only two in line. So I give the checker the pack of gum, she tells me "That'll be eighty three cents." and I give her a buck and look back at my roomie while she's counting change. He's just standing there, hands in his pockets, gawking off into space. It was one of those moments when you're just not there at all. But he should have been, cause when I looked back at him, I knew immediately what I had to do...

The checker handed me my change and wished me a nice day, so I took one step forward and then looked back as my roommate started to follow. I sprung into action immediately. I looked right at my roommate with the most serious face I could muster and said...

"Hey, aren't you going to pay for that?"

Simultaneously the checker's head snapped around and my roomie froze with his eyes as big as saucers and his mouth completely open in shocked disbelief. The only sound he could muster was a weak... "Wha?"

At this point I can assure you he was completely present and in the moment. He, however, doesn't know what to do. Does he pull his hands out of his pockets in a show of innocence? Does he leave his hands in there and face the x-ray vision of the checker? Does he run? Does he pay for something he doesn't even have?

I let him dangle there for a few seconds that didn't seem a day over a decade to him and then busted up laughing. I looked at the checker and said, "He doesn't have anything... I just couldn't pass that up." She's still giving him the skunk eye though, and he finds his voice and says... "Yeah. I don't have anything!" and holds his hands up.

So we walk out and he looks up at me (he was a bit shorter than I) and says, "You asshole." and started laughing.

****************************
The mystery lyric's back!!!

Today's mystery lyric: (Remember the rules folks, no online searching of the lyrics, if you don't know it, you don't have the answer!)

Sweet Lucy was a dancer
But none of us would chance her
Because she was a samurai.
She made electric shadows
Beyond our fingertips
And none of us could reach that high

I can't deny it
With that smile on her face, ohhhhh
It's not the kill
It's the thrill of the chase.

Answer to last lyric: Dead Memories by Slipknot. Not even a guess. *sigh*

7 Comments:

Blogger Dani Cally said...

Miss ya !!!!!

1/16/2010 8:30 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Why is it that all the cuties that bring an immediate smile to my face are happily married?

You know... there is an easy solution to you missin' me. Just drop by more often... :kotc:

1/16/2010 9:26 PM  
Blogger dr sardonicus said...

Never stole anything bigger than a pack of baseball cards, myself. Well, there was an incident at a Wichita K-Mart years ago, but I technically didn't steal anything. I might have some incriminating knowledge, but since those guys went to the pen for stealing much bigger things, the point has long since become moot.

"Knocking At Your Back Door", Deep Purple. Some people enjoyed DP's 80's revival; I was not one of them. Keep that damn Slipknot crap to yourself.

1/17/2010 3:32 AM  
Blogger Train Wreck said...

BWAHAHAHA I would have totally done that!!...Wait I have ha ha!
I did something simliar to my husband. Lets just say we were checking in to a hotel ( a pretty swanky one)He was at the front desk, I was a few feet behind him. I may have mentioned someting to the fact of hoping his wife didn't catch us this time....HAHAHAHA if you could have only seen both of their faces! Pricless!hmmm? maybe I should post that story....

1/18/2010 7:43 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

That's classic. Nice work there.

1/21/2010 7:18 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

I knew someone who actually tried to get caught shoplifting, acting shifty-eyed and sneaky and guilty as hell, then bolting from the store apparently clutching something underneath his shirt (which was nothing - he was only pretending). Result: no reaction from the store staff.

1/28/2010 10:59 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Doc - I imagine the statute of limitations has probably let those things slip through the cracks by now. As for Slipknot... ya comes to the End of the World... ya takes your chances.

TDub - Somehow I can see you doing just that. You're mischievous that way. ;)

fermi - Thankyou, thankyouverymuch.

Mr. S. - I somehow think bigger cities create a bit more jaded staff. And this fellow that you "know". His name would rhyme with Spock, would it?

1/28/2010 3:44 PM  

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