Saturday, November 18, 2006

Royal Dew?

I ran across this today in Les Nouvelles Fausses...


Royal Dew.

Correspondent: John Deaux

NEB -- In a move that's sure to shake up both the soft and hard drink industry, U.S. soft drink megacorp Pepsico and Canadian liquor giant Seagrams today announced in a joint statement their plans to release a new combined version of two of their most famous beverages. Citing slumping sales figures, the two plan to combine Seagram's brand whiskey, Crown Royal, with the ever popular Pepsico product, Mountain Dew under the brand name Royal Dew for sale in both the American and Canadian marketplace.

Whether it will be sold in stores, or behind the liquor counter is as yet undetermined, but its mere existence raises serious issues for debate.

Pro Family Group spokesman, T. Totler, expressed outrage at the announcement. "This is outrageous. This is designed to target today's misguided youth and nothing more. We're thinking of calling for a boycott on both products." However, when pressed by this reporter, Ms. Totler did admit to having consumed both products separately.

A local steakhouse/bar owner, who wished to remain anonymous, told this reporter he was overjoyed, "Man, this is gonna save me megabucks. I'm thinking I might even be able to fire a bartender now. At the very least, my waitresses won't have to keep customers waiting as long while they're in the back getting loaded."

As for the rest of the industries, rumors have already circulated that other major soft drink makers, in an attempt to catch up, have already started negotiations with other major liquor distillers to try and compete.

Photo Courtesy of the Amazing Abbadon

BTW, if you think this is a real news story, you need to have your head examined.


Today's Mystery Lyric:

There you stood a distant memory
So good like we never parted
Said to myself I knew you'd set me free
And here we are right back where we started
Somethings come over me
And I don't know what to feel
Maybe this fantasy is real
Now I know I see what I want it to be
But its still a mystery


Blogger Kathleen said...

Whew! I was thinking that Crown Royal & Mt. Dew would have been just nasty together!

11/18/2006 10:09 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

Why is the chick's body in focus and her face is blurred? Just curious.

11/19/2006 5:51 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Kath, rumor has it that it's not too bad.

fermi, I'm gonna have to plead the fifth on that one... :innocent:

11/20/2006 12:15 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

It is just not right to joke about such important matters.

11/20/2006 8:46 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Wha? :innocent:

11/20/2006 12:45 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Whew is right! Whew and blech!

11/20/2006 1:55 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Just catching up on your blog; it's been a while, shame on me. As usual, soo-poib. I was only going to read your latest post and I wound up scrolling all the way to the end.

11/20/2006 8:02 PM  
Blogger LL said...

It had to be the train wreck effect Mr. S. Right?

Well... either that or all the hotties I've been posting lately...

11/20/2006 10:27 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Oh!... Good to see you're still around Mr. S. I was beginning to wonder if you'd dropped off the End of the World, and the Schprock Report just hasn't been the same without you...

11/20/2006 10:41 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Holy crap! I actually looked closer at that pic after reading fermi's comment. You're gonna burn for that one. Great googly moogly, that is not right.

11/21/2006 9:49 AM  
Blogger LL said...

You think she should have switched hands with the crown and dew or would you prefer she was nude?

Erm... I mean... I have no idea what you're talking about. :ewink:

11/21/2006 1:05 PM  
Blogger tiff said...

I am so far beyond disappointed that this is NOT a real news story...I would have BOUGHT this. A nice bottle of Crown Dew on a boat in the summer, fresh from an ice-filled cooler....mmmMMMMMm.

11/25/2006 7:21 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Whoa! It's Tiff!

You'd have bought it, eh? Well... perhaps I missed my calling and should have been a marketing rep after all. ;)

11/25/2006 7:28 AM  

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