The CBS Thing...

Or why I call them a bunch of brain dead morons, take your pick on the title.

Most of you already know most of the gory details, but for those of you who've been living actual lives and don't spend inordinate amounts of time in front of a computer hitting online bulletin boards, here it is.

I used to live in my parents basement. I know... there's a shocker, right? But it's kind of different in this part of the world. First of all, my folks nearest neighbor is about a quarter mile away, and the family business is running cattle, which we do all day, every day. So I'm literally on call 24/7 and that's that. Well... that and there were no vacant houses around. Then one of the neighbors decided to sell and move, so we bought the place and I moved into their old home.

Back in '02, when I first moved into my little hovel, I was unable to receive any broadcast television. Up until that time, we got broadcast TV from the local networks, but my new casa is in a little "hole" and is surrounded by hills which blocked all those types of signals. That meant I had to get a little satellite dish in order to watch anything.

As a part and parcel of getting the new dish, it also meant that I had to "petition" all of the networks so that I could pay them $1.50 each to have the privilege of watching them, so I did.

Now a little more backstory... our local CBS affiliate is dreadful. It's where those fresh from the college womb come to learn how to crawl and eat solid food. It's also where the old and infirmed go to live out their last days. Yup... that's Channel 11, the combination nursery/old folks home. There are those in the valley that live for the news at 10:00. They tell me that there is no comedy creation in the known 'verse that can compare with just watching that half hour every night. I'm not one of those people, but it makes this all the more juicy.

You see... there are thousands of people just like me in the coverage area, and they decided that they wanted more than the "local 4" so they all got satellites too. And they were given an option of actually getting bigtime TV stations. You know... those from NY and LA, which they did, heartily. Viewership of Channel 11 dropped significantly, as did their advertising revenues. So... Channel 11 sued DishNetwork and DirecTV claiming infringement. And they WON! Did you ever wonder why things changed for all of you satellite owners out there? Well... that's why.

Under the new rules, post lawsuit, if you can receive the local broadcast networks, you can't get them unless you apply for, and receive a waiver. Of course... as I said earlier, it now costs you $1.50 per network. So I did. NBC, FOX, ABC all said "You want to pay us? Ok... you're accepted." (BTW, they did that within 5 minutes, so you know they really thought long and hard about it.) CBS told me to frell off.

Ok... now I used to watch a bunch of CBS programs (it was one of my 4 channels), and I re-petitioned them and asked them very nicely for the waiver. I explained to them that my home was completely surrounded by mountains and that I could not receive a broadcast signal of any kind. I also told them that I was a regular viewer of their programming and wished to remain such. They told me to frell off again.

I petitioned them a third time... with the same result. It was then that I decided to never watch CBS again if I could help it. Of course it wasn't too hard because... well... I didn't get it!

Last December, there was new legislation passed (because stations like Channel 11 still kept whining) and I received all of my local TV stations over the satellite, CBS included. I have yet to tune into it for any of their shows, and I have no plans to do so in the future. They have lost me as a viewer due to their actions, never to return.

I've only broken down once, during the last Superbowl on CBS, but that's been about it. No more Survivor, Letterman, Kilborne (now Ferguson), nothin... and do you know what? I can't think of one thing that I've actually missed.