Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Week in Review

Since some of you just can't leave well enough alone... *coughTiffandfermicough* I guess I'll go ahead and make my monthly post. Wha? I'm more consistent than KTM or g_s... sheesh.

Well... this past weekend was the big shindig around these parts. Yup... time to celebrate Mormon days, a.k.a. the 24th of July celebration. Why is the 24th so special you may ask (and I know that you're all asking that. If not, go ahead and ask.)? As near as I can determine, the 24th of July is either when the head polyg settled the Salt Lake Valley, or it's the day that he sent a whole herd of his minions out to settle this particular valley. Either way... I don't think it's much of a reason to celebrate, but we do it anyway.

How exactly do you celebrate Mormon Days? Well... first of all, you change the name to "Pioneer Days" so that there's some semblance of separation of church and state. Not much mind you, but a semblance. The town elders still wait for direction from the Mormon church elders as to which weekend to hold the big shindig. After all... how can they possibly decide on their own which weekend to hold the rodeo if the 24th falls on a Tuesday or Wednesday? The weekend before or after? Such decisions you see can't be left to just mere mortals...

Second of all, you figure out how to milk patrons for all the money you can. Over the years, there have been many ways to do this. A gigantic 20 mile horse race, a smaller 5 mile horse race, team brandings, team sortings, and most recently... the bump and rub.

What's a bump and rub you may ask again? Well... it's a car race. The rules are simple, you buy a two wheel drive car with a 4 cyl engine for less than $500, knock all of the glass out of it, pay your $100 entry fee and then line up head to head with your opponent and try to wreck him on your two lap circuit while avoiding his attempts to wreck you in a double elimination tournament. BTW... it's very important that you don't rub your opponent in such as way as to wreck your own radiator or fenders thereby shredding your tires. It's a lot of fun to watch. As you can well imagine, by the time you get a $500 car it's pretty well hammered already. Some get rubbed out, some blow up all on their own... good times.

The bump and rub took place on Tuesday and drew a big crowd this year after last year's inaugural event and the resulting word of mouth advertising. I missed last year, but I can say that I probably won't miss any from now on. It was a real hoot, even when one guy went too fast over the table top jump and fractured his passenger's spine and we had to wait for 45 minutes for the next ambulance to arrive... gave you time to vizit wid da neighbors.

The next thing you do is take your kids to the gymkhanna. A kids rodeo that lasts damn near all night long by the time that they all get to compete. Mutton busting, balloon races, boot races, barrel racing, pole bending, calf riding, cow hide races where somebody drags you from one end of the arena to the other on an old cow hide and back again, and of course the zoo scramble. Loads of fun and tears.

Probably the final way to celebrate is to buy large quantities of libation and sit and watch the rodeo on Friday and Saturday nights. Of course you don't sit in the main or "family" section of the stands... no, you sit over by the chutes and calf pens with all of the other sinners and stagger around with a much better view of the action. Then on Saturday night you look straight in the air as they launch a firework display the likes of which you'll never see anywhere else. Why won't you see it anywhere else? Because we take safety a little less seriously than other areas and they launch the fireworks less than 100 yards from the arena. It makes for a very impressive show. One year, my cousin got hit on the bridge of her nose by falling debris (a heavy walled cardboard tube). Nothing like being right in the middle of the action. All in all worth the price of admission.

Then on Sunday we have our annual family reunion. Usually quite enjoyable.

Of course after a weekend of late nights and frivolity, I went up to the folks house on Monday morning and was met by Spot the dog. Spot the dog had gotten cozy with a porcupine the night before and so he was sporting a large porcupine quill moustache. I haven't seen a porcupine in about 20 years so I was surprised to say the least. We tried to pull out the quills with a pair of pliers but he got to the point where he was in a lot of pain and violently biting me on the hand and legs so it was time to go to plan B... No... we didn't shoot him for being stupid, although we probably should have, it would have been a lot cheaper. Nope, I had to run him in to the vet and they knocked him out and pulled the quills out while he was asleep. I don't know how that could possibly cost $200, but it did. $200 for a 5 cent dog... *sigh*

So... how was your weekend?

Today's mystery lyric: (Remember the rules folks, no online searching of the lyrics, if you don't know it, you don't have the answer!)

Chelsea Chelsea I believe that when your dancing
Slowly sucking your sleeve
The boys get lonely after you leave
And it's one for the Dagger and another for the one you believe

Answer to last lyric: Backwater by The Meat Puppets. Way to go Dan!