Monday, March 24, 2008

Blame Tiff... Again!

I'd put an intro here, but with something like this... well...


And one for PinTA.

And finally... one for KTM.

$5375.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

Ok... maybe one more, just for fun.

Just because the blogger code is making things not look good... I'll have to relay what this little picture should look like and say...

It was a little wanted poster for my blog and it said

{this blog}


Do you think it's odd that my dead body is worth more than my live blog? No? Well... I sure do.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Storytime: The Proctologist Edition

Back in college, we became friends with some underclassmen even though we were a few years older than they were. We'd play poker at our house nearly every night, and it was just hilarious all of the time. Side splittin' fun...

Of course outside of the usual banter and cussing over bad hands, there were stories a plenty...

One of the guys' father was a breast surgeon. Not breast surgeon in the "Doc I want DD's" sense more like reconstructive and mastectomy. But he also had a monthly poker game with all of his doctor friends, and of course some of them were proctos and urologists. Of course my buddy was there for a lot of the games, and he'd always ask the other docs about their favorite stories.

Being the good friend he was, and since it was poker at our house, he relayed the stories to us. I just knew that you'd want to hear a couple...

First up was the proctologist. When asked what the wildest stories he had, the tales started flowing. He told Patrick about having to pull the necks of broken ketchup bottles out of peoples ass, all kinds of other foreign objects, but the best was yet to come.

This guy walks in and says... "Uh doc... Uh... I kinda got something... Uh..." "Bend over." the doc replies. He said all of these kinds of stories start out the same way. Nobody wants to fess up to actually shoving something up their ass so they always hem and haw around the subject. So our procto puts on his headlamp and gloves and spreads the ol' cheeks, and then... opens up the cavity, and was taken aback by what he saw... Right there... looking back at him was an eyeball. Not expecting such a thing, he was initially shocked, but then he regained his composure and finally figured out what it was. It was a shot glass with an eyeball in the bottom of it with the words "Here's lookin' at you!" wrapped around the eyeball. Of course due to the shot glass shape, once it went in, like an arrow, it wasn't coming back out.

"Uhhhh... I was walking naked on the bar and slipped and it kinda went up there..." "Riiiiight."

Next up was the urologist. His story began like this... This guy walks into his office and says, "Doc, I... I can't pee." "Alright, let's have a look." So he starts to examine the fellow and can tell that there's not a natural obstruction. He gets out the tweezers and forecepts and sticks them up the head of this guys... well... unit to try and get ahold of what ailed him. Any guesses what it turned out to be? I didn't have any clue either, but it was a thermometer. But wait... there's more! It wasn't just one thermometer... it was THREE! End to end. And the best part? They'd been in there so long that they'd calcified on the outside and when he pulled them out, they ripped this guy up something fierce. I don't think even this idiot will be pulling the same stunt again...

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale...

It was all the rage on the late night talk shows last night... That's right, I'm sure you've all heard it by now too.

Dawn Wells, who portrayed Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island, was arrested and pled guilty to DUI and possession of gonja.

I must admit... I'm shocked AND appalled. I remember as a small lad rushing in the house off of the school bus to plant myself in front of the tube and be regaled with humourous tales of woe from our trapped castaways. You remember those days. And now... some 20+ years later I find this out? About one of our childhood favorites?

As I say... shocked and appalled. She's been living in Driggs all this time and I never even knew it? I thought my friends from Driggs would've kept me better informed! Just what is the world coming to... *sigh*

At least she wasn't the subject of this article. You know... Kansas isn't all that far from Nebraska... you don't suppose there's some connection to the recent disappearance of KTM... do you?

Monday, March 10, 2008

Idle Time...

It seems as though KTM isn't the only one that's been... well... occupying her time as of late.

Here's what Sarah Silverman's been up to, in case you were curious...

As we all know though, a jilted lover is capable of almost anything.

Now if you'll excuse me... for some reason after watching that last one... I feel like I've got to take a shower. :P